Dealing with selfish people.

Many a times we come across people who are hard to forget. Well, not always because they are helpful or bequeath us with some wonderful experiences, but sometimes because they give us unforgettable awful experiences with their utterly bad behavior and selfish characteristics.

Though, we hardly expect everybody to be good and helpful to us, we don’t even expect that people use us for their benefits and behave in a manner to make us feel low or worthless. We don’t expect that people should help us in return for everything we do for them, but we do expect that people would at least notice and weigh our efforts made to help them and not just take our efforts as granted.

Despite this, we still come across people who are mean, arrogant, egotistical and selfish. Encounters with such people leave us feeling hurtful and used to a great extent. Moreover, if one is a sensitive person with a soft heart, then such associations might give them hard-to-forget, distressing experiences. One or two such experiences would surely leave us flabbergasted and we would wish to stay away from such people in the future.

Though it is not easy to recognize a selfish person immediately, they possess some particular traits and some peculiar characteristics. We can keep ourselves off-hook if we know their baiting traits.

·        All selfish people display a very uncaring attitude and a strong “Me first” trait.

A very peculiar and common trait which all selfish and conceited people possess is that they always put themselves and their needs on the forefront. They only give heed to their priorities, their goals and in the process would not think of anyone else, not even about those who might be really needy than them.

When it comes to getting their needs met and their work done, they would turn a deaf ear to the necessities of others. Such selfish people do not believe in the “Live and Let Live“ philosophy, constantly putting their own needs and desires first, they just live for themselves.

A selfish person would view others only as a means to get what they want. They have a have tunnel vision which starts from and leads to themselves and their personal needs alone.

·        Another trait which selfish and conceited people show is being manipulative, scheming and plotting most of the times.

This trait arises from the fact that selfish people are driven by the fear of loss of control. They therefore become very manipulative and scheming. They tend to control everything by maligning someone’s reputation or by misrepresenting things.

Selfish people have a great inherent desire to control situations and people and are unwilling to reach compromises with others. To get their own way they would down cast others and debase anybody’s reputation.

·        Another conspicuous trait which all conceited and selfish people display is of being calculative and accumulators.

Oscar Wilde, the Irish writer, poet and prominent aesthete, has expressed this demeaning selfish trait in such beautiful words, “There are many things that we would throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up.”

This selfish characteristic gives people a grave tendency to hold and hoard things to themselves.

It becomes difficult for such people to part with even simple things like their time and efforts, leave aside important things like money. They would hoard all the resources to themselves and would not share it with anyone even if those resources would go wasted and depleted.

They would never think of sacrificing anything for anybody and in case they do it some time they would expect a lot in return. Insecurity might be the reason behind this base characteristic the selfish people display. They feel it is their right to receive from others but never feel obliged to return anything.  Selfish people behave in this manner because they don’t know how to balance giving with taking.

·        Low self esteem is another characteristic displayed by selfish people that gives them a negative outlook towards life and making them contemptuous of others in general.

This negative trait towards everything makes them bad team players as they always try to pull down others with their remarks, actions or suggestions.

They find it hard to motivate and inspire people because they themselves lack motivation and the drive to look ahead in life. This characteristic makes them unpopular in a team and a misfit at group tasks.

·        A selfish person is highly self centered and self obsessed.

This trait makes them see or hear no one else. They become bad listeners and give little or no consideration to what others have to say. They are inconsiderate and have little or no room for compassion. They would cut off conversations and bring the focus on themselves.

It becomes their earnest desire to be seen and heard more than anyone else making them oblivious to the opinions, suggestions and advices of others. All the conversations they indulge in pertain and turn back to themselves.

Looking at the traits and characteristics selfish people possess, one thing becomes obvious that selfish people do not need your contempt. You surely have to keep yourself shielded from their negativist traits but you don’t need to run from them.

All of us are selfish to some extent, but when the traits and characteristics go beyond control they make us selfish down to the core. Selfish people are ridiculed and downcast by the society in general.

A big non-selfish and selfless trait would be to understand such people and help them out of their selfishness and greedy attitude by accepting their presence, although cautiously.  
Of course be careful not to fall in the trap of their cagey attitude, but by not ignoring them and remaining unfazed and unaffected by their damaging, detrimental and calculating behavior, you might help a selfish person understand the value of selflessness. You never know, how greatly your selfless approach can help a selfish person reform into a kind, loving and unassuming soul.

The thought is so rightly put forth by James Allen, the philosophical writer, “The selfishness must be discovered and understood before it can be removed. It is powerless to remove itself, neither will it pass away of itself. Darkness ceases only when light is introduced; So ignorance can only be dispersed by Knowledge; Selfishness by Love.”